I gasped for air – it woke me up
a poem born of my anxiety and awakening
Thanks for stopping to read. I’m sharing a new poem today and some notes about the season it’s from. I’m praying someone can find rest knowing they’re not alone fighting anxiety like this.
I gasped for air – it woke me up
by Durgan Maxey
I gasped for air – it woke me up what is this? too many times tonight fighting anxious exhausted analysis body weakness where can I go? on the floor and there to meet me breath& Spirit I can cry with my Father now tired confused frustrated can I have rest? ask and receive seek/find I wasn’t knocking before – waiting for an open door I thought my shows were rest I thought my food was comfort I thought my music was worship burn all the idols in my heart do shalom work
notes on the poem
The time of my life connected to this poem was filled with so much change and conviction and frustration and healing.
I’ll share more about this part of my life in some future writings, but I’m still working through some of these tensions now (about two years later).
I was stressing myself out trying to make decisions about big life adjustments and job change and we were about to have our first baby at home. I was eating badly and coping with exhaustion by numbing my mind with screens and shows rather than renewing it.
Anxiety and stress are more than a mind thing. Until I got to the place where I was waking up gasping for breath, I didn’t realize how much they affect spirit and body as well.
We are multifaceted beings. All at once. Mind-body-soul interconnected as one human. All the parts impacting the others whether we are conscious of it or not.
Wherever you are in your life right now, I pray that you can experience loving disruptions that bring light and healing in this season.
other writings
(If you’re interested, this was a book recommended to me that helped me a lot in this season. I also began walking and stretching daily, among other things.)
I’m also going to share a couple of posts that I’ve written previously connected to this space in different ways if you’re interested.
This one is about my battles with digital technology as social and entertainment.
This one is a little more of my story and learning to slow down in general.
I’ll leave you with something I’ve learned in a fuller way.
His yoke is easy and his burden is light.
Shalom.
-Durgan
P.S. If you missed my previous post, I’ve just added a paid subscription and some extras that come with it. You can see my video and read that post here:
